Results tagged “fun” from Andy Best

Infiltration: unfinished expo stuff

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Come on lads just one more week and it'll be open, just in time for the Exp ... oh. One of the major Expo developments - a huge 3K long park zone along the shore of the Huang Pu from the Lupu Bridge (Puxi side) all the way down the back of Long Hua - is still not open to the public.

But, it's pretty much done and it's cold now so night guards just kip in the bottom of their boxes. Oh what fun to be had, even for non-life-risking types who love to bike about. Alas, couldn't get so many photos as my camera is shit and it was dark. But check these out.

Oh, important point. If you go for the cranes (see photos) do not use the stairs in the middle of the base - you'd have to climb on the outside to get around the door - and risk broken legs or death if you fall. Just enter via the adjacent skywalk, with the wooden board floors and you'll see safe double doors in the old prison style - i.e. ladders. 100% safe.

What's this?
craneone

Going up.
cranetwo.jpg

A pristine (but horribly designed) bike/skate area! And it's lit all night.
bike park

Underpass near the Wanping end.
underpass

McRefugees on my hot chocolate stop. The Tianyaoqiao branch where someone got stabbed waking one up. 
sleepers

My machine outside.
bikerride

Photo: Ourself Beside Me setlist

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I mentioned how I bartered with Xiehan of Ourself Beside Me for their set list after the show. Well Jake Newby just stole his one ... and he got the cooler one too. Curses! 

Here it is:


ourself set list

Why you need to learn some real Kung Fu. Quickly.

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ultimate warrior
The world is feeling the effects of the financial crash, or meltdown, or whatever term you want to use. Just make sure it sounds like a phenomenon or the work of a few bad eggs and not the system itself. And, in that same vein, it's time to break out the slyly humorous articles about the end of the world as we know it. I was just reading a very funny one by Tanya Gold at the Guardian.


Never mind that it equates a breakdown in the current political and financial models with the end of life as we know it. There are other ways. I say, have no fear. If you've been following the sheer magnitude of extinctions, environmental degradation and unsustainable development then you know that a huge crash is on the way regardless! Tanya says that in movies people usually pick over the ruins of civilization and fight over scraps until it all goes horribly wrong. In real life, she says, she would go to Devon and live off the land. 

So here's the news: In Shanghai, in the case of a mass breakdown, you will not be living off the land in lush and fertile Devon. You will be living the post-apocalypse movie dream - and you'd better know Kung Fu. 

Following along from Tanya's points, the first thing to go in a breakdown would be the national power grid followed by running water. You need that pesky clean drinking water to live more than three days. Question: where in the greater Shanghai region can you find a natural source of clean water that could be drunk after a basic purification routine? Answer: Nowhere. Quick fact: eighty percent of water sources in the country are unfit for human consumption! That's right. You're going to be fighting for remaining stocks of bottled water and the contents of storage tanks in buildings. The same goes for food. 

Now I've seen a lot of post-apocalypse type movies, my favorite is The Ultimate Warrior, and I know that all smart people in these situations are aware of the limited time they have in the urban survival situation. They all have a plan that involves getting out and away to a safe place where you could grow food and survive for the long haul. Tanya Gold adds a bit of spice to this time limit with an often overlooked fact of modern life. Yes. Nuclear power stations. Quick fact: with no running water for cooling or human attention they will eventually overheat and explode. What's that, you say? We have built huge radioactive time bombs that will render entire countries uninhabitable simply by just leaving them alone? Yes! Bonus! Your plan will have to include a boat to New Zealand. 

Now we are getting ahead of ourselves. Back to Shanghai. You are going to have to know Kung Fu. The city has broken down. Most people have tried to flee and died who-knows-where from dehydration. Others have been killed in the riots and fighting. The old, infant and sick are gone or going. You have wisely held your ground and formed a group around a compound of supplies. The city streets are eerily quiet. It's time to go out and get more supplies while you form the grand escape plan. At first you will loot shops and malls, competing with random looters and small teams. Eventually, however, you will have to raid other compounds, the ones based around the Nongfu bottled water depot. Don't forget the more organized groups are going to raid you too. You need to know kung fu. 

Now, I don't mean any martial art either, I mean real kung fu. Not the one focused around competitions where you wear down your opponent then wrestle them into submissions. Not the ones where you score points either. I mean the ones where you learn quick and lethal self defense techniques while fighting in groups on the run. Where falling to the ground means being left behind. You need to train weapons too. Like staffs and swords. Yes, swords. I also don't mean the light floppy ones or wooden ones. No twirling them around while you do the splits either. You need to be in the class that makes you hold a full weight weapon where the forms are made up of solid stances and techniques that resemble stabbing, slashing and hacking. Your teacher needs to be making you do squats and finger push ups, not slow motion bends and yoga stretches. And another thing, you'd better be doing those two man applications that leave bruises on your limbs, not debating Qi power for half an hour then nodding your appreciation. 

You need to know the kung fu that lets you bound effortlessly over beaten up abandoned cars while burying your knife hilt deep into the chest of the baseball bat wielding crazy. You need the kung fu that allows you to destroy six would be unarmed attackers with your fighting staff. You need the kung fu that helps you kick that scavenger senseless while your arms are tied up holding your sack of stolen tinned foods. You need the kung fu that helps you lead your team of scientists and farmers out of the city through the abandoned tunnels and to the promised land. You need the kind of kung fu that helps you escape the clutches of the psychotic ex-soldiers and their fortified country mansion. 

Unfortunately for you, this kind of kung fu is now as scarce in this country as the natural drinking water. I'm not going to help you find it either. It's you against me. I do have some advice. Watch those movies. See you out there.

The Worst Band Names / Happy Holidays

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av club article
Well, we had the Banana Monkey reunion show and tonight we have the Keep Loud Festa and the Miniless Showcase. Unfortunately the whole weekend is a write off for me as the time of winter and holidays is also often the time of flu and illnesses. For those who know Evans, she's doing fine now and is at home resting. The blog will be back in action next Saturday for the Jiao Ban Two night at YYT. If anyone goes to any of the above shows this weekend, do send me a mini review or photos by mail.

Here's a couple of photos from last night's gig courtesy of Schokora's 56minus1 blog.

So, here's my pick on the net for the holidays. When I first read this feature last year at the A.V. Club website I was crying tears of laughter at some of the band names. Here's the intro to the feature from the site:

Each year, The A.V. Club receives hundreds of albums, thousands of press releases, and several thousand more show listings for hundreds of venues around the country. At any given moment, our editors are besieged by information on bands, most of whom we've never heard of. Sifting through all that info, we inevitably encounter questionable band names. Actually, you could argue any moniker is questionable, but we keep an ongoing list of the worst and funniest ones we see. Then, come December, we whittle them down for our annual Worst Band Names feature. This list isn't a compendium of the worst names of all time--or a statement on the quality of their music--just the ones we encountered this year.
Put your favorite one in the comments (remember, you don't have to register just select anonymous) ... now read it! The Worst Band Names Of 2008.

Happy Holidays!

Just for fun: Sunday Morning feat. Joyside

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Updates galore: Due to the popularity of the Douchegate scandal this video has now been reposted on three major Shanghai blogs. I won't link the exact posts because they are just links back here but thanks must go to Shanghaiist, Danwei and I Love China

Two weekends back, I missed an entire weekend of shows due to illness. So, now I bring you an exclusive look into the the life of a Shanghai hipster douchebag when they are not at shows or some cafe, reading a really really clever book. Set to Joyside's anthem Sunday Morning, follow me on the usual adventures like heading out to the store and making abusive phone calls.

Disclaimers

Quality - be nice, it's partly shot on phone-camera and partly on a two year old Cybershot.
Content - if you live here and follow the news as well as blogs like Shanghaiist and Danwei, then watch away. If you don't then you might want to check this out - story.



Just for fun: Jet Set Willy feat. Hedgehog

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I was f***ing around with my wife's Spectrum Emulator today in order to play my favourite game from 1985-86 ... when I was, ahem, 13 ... Jet Set Willy. So I made a video of Willy finding the secret entrance to the rooms under the house - the Forgotten Abbey. They eventually lead to the Entrance To Hades. However, it's rock hard and I couldn't get out the first room.

The video as I made it is clear and quite funny. It is set to a kick ass song by Beijing indie rockers Hedgehog. The song is appropriately about reliving your childhood.

However, after screen recording - editing, encoding ...then further encoding by Youtube - it is tiny and exceptionally bad quality. Watch it for the hedgehog song or if you are fond of Jet Set Willy. Look closely to see Willy's lives at the bottom, dancing to the tune. By the way, it's not as bad as the screencap in the player makes it out to be.

 

 

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